..."I'm the worst adulterer ever"

yeah, there you have it. five words one never expects to hear...or at least I think one would not. but maybe I underestimate the power of the affair...

if you weren't sleeping under a rock in the past six months, you may have heard of a film called "It's Complicated" -- Meryl Streep, Alex Baldwin and Steve Martin -- in a love "triangle".


She is the ex-wife of one of these men, begins to date the other...but then the now-remarried ex is having a crisis -- and she and the ex end up having an affair.

Yep, it is rich with "ah-ha" moments -- like the revelation that SHE is now the other woman. And really, it's not that bad: she reaps all the benefits of the titillation of having a secret romance with forbidden fruit, but WITHOUT the day-to-day crap of being married to the guy!

So there you have it in a nutshell: why wouldn't we want to have the excitment and anticipation and benefits without the hassle? I mean really...if I don't have to be responsible for feeding you every evening, picking up after your lazy ass or making sure YOUR bills are paid on time, why should I desire to be the full time "wife".

And then there is the phone call (or email or text message) that never materializes.

When you are the "other" whatever, you are likely to find yourself waiting impatiently to hear from the object of your lust. So when that communication doesn't occur, one may find themselves inventing all sorts of explanations for why...

24 hours or more later, the message comes or the phone rings and your fuck buddy says "geez I'm so sorry...I really should have gotten in contact with you..." and your heart leaps into your mouth, you pinch your skin until it nearly bleeds and then wonder, what the fuck?

A Modern Sonnet of Forbidden Love

Life presents many challenges -- obvious yes -- but what of the love that one must keep secret?

On this rainy first Sunday of April, I am watching "Shakespeare In Love" (again) for what must be the 900th time. And the tragedy on which it is based, "Romeo & Juliet", has always been one of Shakespeare's works that evokes such deep passion and emotion for the love that is forbidden. The desire, aye to covet, that which belongs to another is a painful journey -- fraught with lies, deceit, longing, frustration and adrenaline charged moments.

Fleeting at best, those who love in secret must endeavor to keep the fires burning but not so brightly that the entire world will see it for its true nature. And yet, even when we believe we are doing our best to keep our attraction, devotion, care and love for each other cloaked...it usually doesn't take much for our friends to see through the charade.

And so, our frustration is vented in emails -- tender words of lust protected in a virtual world. Before computers, such exchanges would be committed to paper -- dangerous and explosive confessions that if discovered would clearly ruin our "normal" lives. And now, email -- even blogs -- provide a safe but unprotected haven.

I ventured back and found my "sonnet" -- I know you will feel the enormous frustration at not being able to be public with the person I adore:

the lesser of two evils: not seeing you or seeing you? so maddening, isn't it -- unable to touch, kiss, nuzzle and whisper in your ear how much I wanted you tonight and the smile I couldn't hide because I was so happy to be with you...

yes, I know the exactly the moment I wanted to you to touch me, hold me, kiss me...and I remember the times that thought came to mind and I pushed it deep and away...fearful that you wouldn't feel the same way...

our playful tete-a-tete that has gone on for so long and yet has new meaning for me now - I wonder why it took me so long to relinquish my fear of what would happen...and since that first kiss...I love the moments when you simply look into my eyes and smile...no words...small gestures...when I rested my hand on your thigh and you poked at my knee...make it all the more precious...

I'm still in your arms -- so tight and close -- am dead certain I can hear the beating of your heart...wishful that I had been able to steal but one kiss to safeguard my lips until tomorrow...